Young and Beautiful
by JoeyBear1424
Summary: He's too young to have seen war like this. He's too young to bear the scars he's earned from this war. He's too young to have witnessed such horrors; such greed. He's too young to be holding their dying burglar in his arms. Fem!Bilbo
1. Too Young

He's too young to have seen war like this. He's too young to bear the scars he's earned from this war. He's too young to have witnessed such horrors; such greed. He's too young to be holding their dying burglar in his arms. Bella lies in his arms, heavy and blood soaked, staring at him with foggy eyes.

"Kili," Bella rasps, her fingers reaching up and brushing his cheek. "Why are you crying?" He takes a shuddering breath, squeezing her fingers in his.

"Bella," Kili gasps, shaking his head. "What kind of a question is that?" Bella's arm is dripping blood from gashes; one of her eyes blackened. And she's so heavy, so tired yet she stares up at him with a soft smile.

"Don't cry Kili," She pleads with him. "This is wonderful."

"Wonderful," Kili asks; his voice cracking. "You're dying Bella and this is wonderful?" Bella nods, a slow smile spreading across her blood stained lips.

"Oh yes, it is wonderful," She promises him. "I always thought I was going to die in Bag End, alone. There would be nobody with me as I grew old and gray. Nobody would be there for me when I was aching and exhausted. Nobody was going to be there for me when I saw my parents waiting for me. But I'm with you—I'm not alone."

"No, you're not," Kili promises, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm here." He lets out a shuddering sob.

"And the company," Bella fixes her cloudy eyes on him. "Are you all here?" His brother and uncle lie in the tents; barely stable. Ori is being fussed over by his brothers. Dwalin guards the royal tent; Balin sitting inside and keeping watch over his uncle and brother. Bofur, Bifur and Bombur are all together; worrying over the other one. Glóin sits and stares at the portraits of his wife and son. Óin is working desperately to save others. Gandalf, works alongside the Óin, trying desperately to save more. None of them are here but Kili.

"Yes, we're all here," He promises. Bella smiles, revealing bloodstained teeth. "All of us are here now. Are you—are you comfortable? Can I get you anything?"

"No, stay with me," Bella pleads, slipping her fingers through his. "Talk to me, Kili." He purses his lips, trying in vain to hold back another sob.

"What am I going to say to the others, Bella? That the hobbit we all betrayed, almost let my uncle kill you. What am I going to say then? That you fought alongside us? And we couldn't even save you? Didn't even know?" Bella stares up at him for a long moment, blinking slowly.

"You must remind them all, especially your uncle that the gold sickness does terrible things. And it was not Thorin that tried to kill me—it was the sickness that clouded his mind, the sickness that nearly killed him, tried to take me too."

"I will," Kili promises, kissing the back of her hand. "What do I tell everyone? Bella, help me," He begs like a child, sobbing. "I don't know what to do."

"Hush now, Kili," Bella whispers, tears streaming down her own cheeks. "It's okay." But it's not okay. It's not okay at all. And he wants to tell her this, wants to beg her, plead with her to live. But he can't find the words. They're caught in his throat and all he can do is sob.

"Tell me what to do." Kili begs.

"Tell Óin there was nothing he could have done. And Glóin that I hope his Gimli grows up as strong as his father." Bella whispers.

"And the others, what do I say?" Kili whispers; his shoulders shaking.

"Tell your uncle, I forgive him. Your brother—do not let him be seized by the same sickness, Kili. He will be a fine ruler someday, when the time comes. And you must be by his side. Do that for me," Kili nods, promising her it will happen. "Ori must write the book about the adventure. He must tell everyone what happened. Dori—tell him I didn't suffer, please. Please don't let him know I suffered. Nori must retrieve my treasures from the Shire so they're not taken by someone who doesn't deserve them."

"But we'll blunt them." Kili reminds her, smiling without mirth. Bella tries to laugh, she really does. But it sends her into a coughing fit that makes Kili grimace as she groans, clutching his armor.

"Bofur—tell him thank for the words in the cave. And that I'm so sorry for what I said, he found his home. Bifur, a gentle man—any hobbit would be lucky to know him. And Bombur, hobbits would be jealous of his cooking. Dwalin, tell him thank you for protecting me all those times. And thank Balin, for smoothing out misunderstandings and cultural differences."

"And Gandalf?" Bella's eyes seem to brighten at the mention of the wizard's name, a small smile gracing her lips.

"Thank you for the adventure. I really was a Took," Bella's gaze focuses on Kili and her face becomes serious. "And you, silly dwarf. Thank you for bringing out my courage. Thank you so much Kili for making me realize how lonely I was."

"I put you in danger," Kili reminds her, the incident with the trolls fresh in his mind. "You almost died." And you're dying now, he thinks bitterly.

"No you didn't," Bella objects. "You made me realize I was lonely and that I had courage. I just had to find it….And I had friends waiting for me on the other side when I found it."

"It wasn't supposed to end this way, was it?" Kili asks, smoothing back her curls. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"I thought it was supposed to die in Bag End, alone. And it would go to some relative that didn't deserve it. And now here, I lie in the arms of my friend. I'm not alone," She whispers, smiling up at him. "It's supposed to end like this," Her eyes flutter and Kili inhales sharply. "Oh, they're waiting for me."

"Who's waiting for you?" Kili asks, looking around for anyone. The only sight though is dead orcs and goblins piled up around them.

"My parents," Bella whispers; staring hard at Kili. "Is it time go now, Kili? They're waiting for me."

"You can go now, Bella," Kili promises; pressing his lips to her hand. "You can go my friend." Bella sighs happily, her eyes closing. And Kili sits there, holding his breath as their burglar, their hobbit; their Bella goes limp in his arms. He waits at first for her chest to rise and fall; her eyes to open. He waits for her to complain and fuss about the state of her clothing; how improper it is. But it doesn't come. And he sits, covered in Bella's blood. Holding her body close, Kili cries. Sobs rack his body as he begs, pleads for her to wake up; somebody, anybody to help him.

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><p>It's Gandalf who finds him. The wizard drops to his knees beside him and sighs, shaking his head.<p>

"Oh, my dear Bella," Gandalf whispers; tears streaming down his own cheeks. "My dear girl, forgive me."

"She said thank for the adventure Gandalf," Kili rasps, staring at the limp body in his arms. "Bella said to tell you, thank you. And she really was a Took." Gandalf nods wordlessly, a tiny smile beneath his beard.

"Come now Kili," He whispers, gently urging the dwarf to stand up. "We must tell the others."

His uncle stares at him in disbelief, whispering no. But when he sees Kili's face, so broken, so lost so unlike him; Thorin knows. He lies quietly for a long time, tears streaming silently down his cheeks. Fili holds him for a long time; sobbing quietly as Kili clings to him, a mess of tears and snot on his face.

Balin shakes his head and sighs; sitting beside his brother with a lost expression. Dwalin, Kili has never seen the warrior look so gutted. He clings to his battle axes as though someone might dare to take them away. And when it's late at night, Kili catches him attacking the already dead bodies of the orcs and goblins; cursing in Khuzdul.

Óin bandages her wounds, shrugging off those who attempt to stop him. And even though it's useless, he tries to slip a tonic between Bella's lips. For sleeping, he says when the others stare at him. Glóin clings to his locket, running his fingers over it. There a couple moments he gazes at Bella as he shakes his head, opening his locket and staring hard at the portraits.

Dori sits by her dead body the first night, brushing her curls off her forehead. He sings a lullaby in Khuzdul, stopping and starting over several times when he can't stop sobbing. Nori sits at the foot of her bed; a dangerous, protective look on her face. He promises Bella he will not allow her to lose her treasures; swearing to go to the Shire as soon as he can. Ori openly weeps, wiping his eyes on his scarf. He sits next to Dori, knitting a scarf and sweater. So Bella won't be cold he says tearfully.

Bofur kneels by her, sniffling as he squeezes her limp hand in his own. Beside him, Bifur sobs are rough and guttural as he attempts in vain to carve a toy. The beginnings of it are clear though to everyone even as he puts it aside. It will become a hobbit when it's completed. Bombur visits her alone; promising that his brother and cousin will be okay. He'll look after them, he swears this to her. When Bofur visits alone, it's with his hat in hand and tugging the ends of his mustache as he promises her that he forgives her for the words in the cave.

Kili doesn't cry around the others. He simply watches them cry themselves. And sometimes he goes to comfort them: wrap an arm around them, bump their foreheads together. But most of the time, he turns away. Because he's too young to carry this grief. He's too young to have held the hobbit as she dies. He's too young to have seen the gashes and blood that stained Bella's body. He's too young to have saved her. He's simply too young.

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><p>I got hit with some major depression tonight and threw it all into writing this. I cried so hard while writing this...Anyone want to hop aboard the feels train with me after reading this story?<p> 


	2. Yours, Mine

Thank you so much to XXRawwrXX; EquusGold; TimberWolf Silver; MagnafloriousWorld; TawnyOwl117; charge phantom; Elenath the Brave; PotterheadWhovian; emmylou92; SisterOfBattle; SherlockDW2013; silver7612; 00-OnceInABlueMoon-00 and silver-eyedLadyofDarkness for the follows and favorites! They are greatly appreciated! And I'm sorry for breaking everyone's heart with that first drabble. It broke my heart too. I promise this one's not so sad.

Rating: T

AU: Modern Day, high school.

Fem!Bilbo/Fem!Kili

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><p>Bilba Baggins didn't hate Erebor High. Nor was she an unsociable person. It was not that. What she hated was being away from her mother and preferred books to people. She fiddles with the dog tags around her neck all day long, receiving some dirty looks from teachers and a couple from other students at the noise they make. She doesn't pay them any mind though. Her mother, Belladonna had cherished these dog tags and treated them as some women might have treated their diamond jewelry. When she'd passed, Bungo, her father had wanted to hide them away. It was too painful he said and he didn't want the constant reminder around. Bilba had put her foot down though and made it clear the dog tags were going to stay out and they were going to be around her neck. Bungo gave in with a reluctant sigh. Bilba was not unsociable, no. She just did not really have any needs to talk with people. She fully intends to sit in the library and eat there as well. She really does intend on it. But she's stopped halfway there when she crashed head on into someone with a groan.<p>

"I'm sorry!" The voice cries as they scramble off Bella, tugging her up with a strong yank. The person who landed on her, a girl she recognizes from her English class at the one who stared at her earlier. She clings tightly to Bilba's hand, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she brushes off her arms, muttering apologies.

"It's fine," Bilba promises, trying to disentangle her hand from the girl's. "Really, it's fine." She promises and finally the girl lets go, her cheeks flushing a darker red.

"Are you looking for the cafeteria?" The girl asks, her eyes brightening. "I could show you. We have English class together—Kili Durin," She offers her a wide grin, holding out a hand. "You must be Bilba Boggins." Bilba winces at the butchering of her name and gives a small smile at the eager Kili.

"It's Baggins and actually I was going to the library." She's cut off as Kili grabs hold of her arm and tugs her towards the cafeteria, babbling excitedly about this and that. Bilba takes the chance to observe the girl as she's pulled along. Kili's taller than her, skin tanned and black hair long, wiry. Lean though not skinny. Her nose is narrow, her cheekbones high with molten brown eyes placed above them. Her body is more sharp than curvy Bilba notices, her breasts small but perky. She realizes with a sudden panic that they're nearing the cafeteria. The dull roar of people talking is escaping through the swinging doors and Kili's still tugging on her. Bilba wrenches her arms from Kili.

"Stop tugging on me like I'm some doll!" Bilba snaps. Kili's hand falls to her side dejectedly as she nods.

"I'm sorry." She whispers; her voice barely audible over the roar escaping through the doors. And Bilba's sorry too now. She feels wretched for snapping at the poor girl who looks at her with an expression like a puppy dog who's just been kicked.

"No, no," Bilba sighs. "I'm sorry for being so rude—I just don't like people."

"What do you like?" Kili asks curiously, taking a tentative step towards Bilba. She glances back towards the library longingly before she turns back towards Kili.

"Books," Bilba says decisively, taking Kili's hand and turning towards the library. "I like books." Kili follows her to the library where they sit and talk quietly, books opened in front of them. The books are ignored, their pages unturned as Bilba and Kili whisper to each other across the table. When the bell rings, announcing the end of lunch, Kili's nose wrinkles as she stares at Bilba.

"I'm hungry." She whines. Bilba just laughs as the two stands and walk back to class, shoulders brushing.

They eat lunch together in the library for a week before Bilba's introduced to Ori. The ginger haired girl comes looking for Kili and when her eyes land on them, a soft, shy smile spreads across her face. The spend weeks together in the library, a slow, steady friendship forming between the three of them. By the end of the month, Kili and Ori are coaxing Bilba from the library and into the cafeteria. She is not a fan of the noise, the scent of the food or being pushed around. But sitting by Kili means shoulder touches, their hands brushing each other's and often Kili's shy, flushing face watching hers.

The first time she goes to Kili's house, she's nearly mowed down the Kili's mom, Dis. The woman gives Bilba a wink as she hugs her and tells her that Kili hasn't shut up about her since they met. Bilba flushes a bright red alongside Kili who begs her mother to be quiet. Later, when they sit up in Kili's room, Kili watches her anxiously.

"So you've haven't shut up about me since we met?" Bilba teases. Kili shrugs tensely, her shoulders stiff. "Kili?" Bilba tries.

"Not like it matters," Kili mutters, flopping on her side. "I already made an idiot of myself."

"You already made an idiot of yourself?" Bella parrots, crawling towards Kili. She rests her chin on Kili's shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I dragged you around when we first met, I called you Boggins and I'm—I'm not sure." Kili finishes with a groan; Bilba leans down, burying her face into Kili's neck.

"You forget that you also crashed into me," Bella reminds lightly, prompting another groan from Kili. "But that's okay," She gives a hesitant, light kiss to Kili's neck. Kili's lips part, a soft gasp escaping as Bilba lifts her head, a grin in place. "Besides, maybe I like being your Bilba Boggins." A mischievous grin comes to Kili's face, her molten brown eyes sparkling with mirth as she looks at Bilba. She lets out a yelp as Kili leaps forward for a kiss, knocking them backwards off the bed with a crash.

"My Bilba Boggins." Kili plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek, sighing contently as she cuddles her to her chest. ir girl


	3. Changes

Thank you so much to Goalphabeticalorder; Steelrider and cat1994raluca for the follows and favorites! They are greatly appreciated.

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Fem!Kili/Bilbo

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><p>The hobbit before Bilbo is all Kili can focus on. Her nails are long and neat, her body curvy, soft. Her skirt is a vibrant, bright red which she keeps reaching down to brush her hands over. She keeps reaching up and running her hands through Bilbo's curls, chuckling quietly. Even from here, Kili can see Bilbo's flushed cheeks, the annoyance on his face. The same annoyance and flushed cheeks that he used to give her. Kili looks self-consciously down at her own form. Her nails are short, ragged. Her body is more firm and square than curvy and soft, her clothes the dark blue of the Durin line.<p>

At first, Bilbo had been nothing more than something fun to annoy and play pranks on. He was not accustomed to travel, that much was obvious. From the way he shifted endlessly on Myrtle to the way he kept sending fleeting glances back over his shoulder, it was obvious to each dwarf there, he missed home. Fili and Kili thought him a bit fussy and enjoyed annoying the fussy hobbit until his cheeks flushed red and he was stuttering. It would send the two into fits of laughter while their burglar stomped away, muttering about dwarves. It was during the incident with the trolls that Kili realized their burglar meant a little bit something more than just a creature to annoy. To see Bilbo in the troll's meaty fist, to hear the pure terror in the hobbit's voice infuriated her. It occurred to her at that moment with a heavy wave of guilt that Bilbo probably never faced danger before. Never an orc, a goblin, certainly not a troll. So it was with a furious growl, she charged into the clearing and demanded they drop him.

In Rivendell, a happiness that Kili didn't know was possible seemed to overtake their burglar. She would catch sight of him in the library, spending hours upon hours, devouring book after book. Sometimes with Ori and sometimes alone. Other times he was in the garden, sitting silently and simply admiring the flowers around him. Kili had no desire to sit and look at flowers, preferring to spar with her brother or play pranks. But the idea of sitting with Bilbo in the garden, the library, even if she had to be quiet was more desirable. She was not quiet though. Kili, the princess of Erebor did not do quiet.

"Ori," She whined one day to the scribe. "I need help." The scribe had looked nervous though eager to help.

"What do you need help with?" He asked and fidgeted in his spot. Kili glanced towards where her uncle and brother sat. The two of them looked preoccupied and Bilbo was nowhere in sight so she leaned closer.

"I want Mister Boggins to smile at me," Kili whispered. Ori stared at her silently, his face twisted slightly with confusion. "Like he smiles at you—when you two talk about books or hobbit culture…." Ori's lips twitched upwards in a smile as he nodded.

"Well you could start by calling him Mister Baggins," Ori's tone was light, his smile gentle as Kili groaned into her arms. "Just talk to him, Kili. Ask him about his interests. If you'd like him to really smile at you, ask him about his home." Ori advised as Bilbo stepped into the room. He gave the princess an encouraging squeeze on the shoulder and turned her towards their burglar.

It took Kili some time to work up courage to talk to Bilbo as Ori advised her. But when she did, Bilbo's eyes brightened and there was a genuine, wide smile on his face as they talked. Kili sat entranced as Bilbo spun her endless tales of home and the two grew closer and closer. When her uncle snapped at him that he'd been lost ever since he left home, the stricken look on his face was enough to nearly send Kili into a tears herself. It had been terrifying to see Bilbo dangling over the edge and then her uncle's harsh words. There had been no time to ask if he was okay, if there was anything she could do. Kili had collapsed from exhaustion and soon after, the floor followed. And Bilbo was gone.

There would be no time for questions, no time for apologies. Goblins and orcs would see to that. It wouldn't be until after the giant eagles set them down on the carrock and her uncle had apologized, did things settle down. There was not much talk as they made their way down the carrock, too exhausted from the battle. Their talk would not come until that night when everyone but Ori who was on watch was asleep. Kili snuck over to Bilbo's bedroll and poked the hobbit's shoulder.

"Are you asleep?" Kili whispered. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as the hobbit hummed lightly and turned over, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

"Almost," Bilbo muttered. "Is everything all right, Kili?" Kili bit her lower lip, the sight of Bilbo, sleep mussed with a worried look as he stared at her unsettled something in her stomach.

"Yes, everything's fine," Kili managed, her voice a squeak. "Would you take a walk with me please?" Bilbo nodded albeit hesitantly and with a last fleeting glance at Bofur, the two slipped away from the campsite. "I wanted to say sorry," Kili whispered as they slipped away. "For the way my uncle treated you and the way Fili and I treated you." Bilbo shrugged and squeezed Kili's hand, a small smile on his face.

"You were a bit annoying," He agreed and the two shared a chuckle. "But I probably was too."

"You missed home," Kili shrugged. "And I—I'm sorry for the way I acted in your home too. Wiping my muddy boots off on your mother's…"

"Glory box," Bilbo chuckled once more, a soft smile on his face then flushed as he realized his hand was still atop Kili's. "I remember."

"That's my mother's glory box, could you please not do that!" Kili cried softly and with a hesitant hand brushed her thumb over the top of Bilbo's hand. He didn't pull away, his eyes dark as he watched their hands. They moved towards each slowly, eyes half lidded. Their kiss was slow, hesitant.

"Is this okay?" Bilbo asked as he pulled away, panting lightly. "I—I mean, I don't want to do anything bad or wrong…" Kili shook her head and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Nothing wrong," She promised as the two kissed long into the night until Bofur whistled long and low, a warning to come back. Kili pulled away with a sigh, her cheeks flushed red. "Can we do that again, later?"

"Plenty of time for that later." Bilbo promised, his own cheeks flushed as he placed a final kiss to her stubbled cheek. They walked back to camp, hand in hand, smiles on their faces as they slipped to their separate bedrolls.

At Beorn's, kisses were snuck in the hay, behind trees. Kili had not worried, had not even thought about her bindings until Bilbo's hands slowly edged up her stomach. Kili pulled away sharply, her eyes wide. Bilbo was frozen, his eyes anxious as he stared at her.

"Is this okay?" Bilbo asked and when Kili didn't respond, he began to pull his hands away. "Sorry—I overstepped, I'm sorry."

"No, no it's not that," Kili promised. "I—I've been keeping a secret from you and I'm sorry." Bilbo's face became crestfallen and he took a step back.

"What kind of a secret?" Bilbo asked, his voice quaking.

"I'm not a prince," Kili whispered. "I—I'm a princess." Bilbo stood frozen for a moment as his jaw worked soundlessly.

"I—I—Oh, Yavanna," Bilbo moaned as he clapped his hands over his mouth. "I overstepped so much. I apologize Kili!"

"I just told you that I'm a woman and you're worried you overstepped?" Kili asked and struggled not to let out a small giggle as Bilbo's cheek reddened.

"It's not funny," Bilbo said and punctuated his statement with a foot stomp. "If I had known, I would not have been so forward." The sight of his flushed cheeks, his hands on his hips and the frustration in his eyes, sent Kili into gales of laughter as she pulled him in for a hug; shaking her head.

In Mirkwood, the combination of exhaustion, lack of food and the effect of the forest proved to be a strain on everyone. Kili snapped at Bilbo it seemed for every little thing. He tried his best to soothe her raw nerves and with each biting comment. On the worst day, the day of their capture, Kili turned on the hobbit as he tried once more to comfort her.

"What use would I have for a simple hobbit?" Kili practically screamed. "You're worthless to the company, to me!" It was out of exhaustion, out of anger. And the words would be regretted later. But at the time, exhaustion overrode regret and Bilbo was silent that time. There was no attempt to soothe her that time. Instead he went silent and stuck by Ori and Bofur while Kili stuck by Fili.

After that, Bilbo avoided her. When he released them from the dungeons, he kept his head down and avoided eye contact with her. When Kili thanked him, Bilbo merely shrugged and turned towards the next cell. It continued like this the rest of their quest. In Laketown, he found other things to occupy his time and refused to meet Kili's eye. They were no longer friends, but nothing really.

He'd fulfilled his part of the contract, her uncle had apologized. They'd all lived—they would all be okay, eventually. And now it seemed that Bilbo would be returning to the Shire with this hobbit. Whoever she was, Kili thinks bitterly.

"You owe him an apology." Ori says, coming to stand beside her. Kili doesn't respond, crossing her arms tighter over her chest.

"Or at least tell him you still feel that way lass," Bofur agrees, clapping a light hand on her shoulder. "Bilbo was torn up the rest of the quest after Mirkwood—if ye want to be miserable for the rest of your life, that's your business. But that's not the Kili I traveled with, who fell in love with a hobbit of the Shire named Bilbo Baggins." With one last fleeting look at the two dwarves, Kili stands and moves towards Bilbo, who stands alone now.

"So I guess you'll be going home to the Shire now?" Kili mutters, her arm crossed protectively across her chest. "With your new wife—or is she just your sweetheart?" Bilbo looks at her for the first time since she yelled at him that he was useless, his eyebrows furrowed. And something inside of Kili snaps. Months of pent of frustration, regret, tears and fury come out in the form of tears.

"I'm sorry," Kili whimpers, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You're not useless to me or to the company. You're not useless at all!" Kili wails.

"Kili," Bilbo says softly, reaching for her arm. "Calm down." Kili sniffles, shaking her head.

"I'll leave Erebor! Or is it my beard? Give it a couple years and I promise it'll come in." Kili sobs. Bilbo sighs, pulling her to him in a tight hug.

"Silly, silly dwarf," Bilbo sighs, rubbing his thumbs over her stubbly cheeks. "Calm yourself, please. Before your uncle and brother threaten to have my head." Kili sniffles, a small chuckle escaping her lips.

"I wouldn't let them," Kili promises. "So that hobbit, is she your sweetheart?" Kili asks, glancing around for the hobbit, now gone.

"Oh, goodness no," Bilbo's nose wrinkles as he shakes his head. "That's my aunt. It seems the Sackville-Baggins think me dead and have tried to take over my house. She's from the Took side, decided to make sure I was still alive. She wants to see the look on Lobelia's face when I return alive," Kili sighs with relief as Bilbo smiles at her, wiping away the remaining tears. "You're my only sweetheart." He promises, capturing her lips in a chaste kiss.

"So these relatives of yours think you're dead?" Kili demands, an impish smile coming to her face. "I wonder how they'd like seeing a dwarf wielding a bow and arrow coming back with you to reclaim your house!"

"If I survive you telling your uncle and brother that I we're courting, I'll let you do anything." Bilbo promises, pressing another kiss to her lips as they begin marching towards the company.


	4. No Good with Words

Thank you so much to 0. .0.0 and BrendaBanner1234 for the favorites! They are greatly appreciated! Neither our furnace being broken, exhaustion or my mom having a sudden and bad bout of the flu will keep me from my writing. My hip being extremly sore and feeling as if it's out of the socket will however. So I'm off to do homework and watch the Hobbit. Enjoy my dear readers.

Rating: T

Warnings: None

AU: Modern day, high school

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><p>I hope you all enjoyed. Kili's sure that Mr. Elrond simply gave him this tutor to torture him. If you asked someone other than Kili Durin about Bilba Baggins they would probably say there was nothing particularly remarkable about her. She was nice enough when she took the time to lift her nose from her books and actually talk to someone. She was praised as extremely bright by her teachers. That was if you asked someone other than Kili Durin. To Kili, Bilba Baggins was the world. The air he breathed—Bilba was everything. The only problem being that Kili could never seem to say the right thing to her. He sits in the library now watching her talk to Ori. Jealously flares up in his chest as she flushes red at something Ori says before she comes towards Kili.<p>

She's wearing a new dress and though there's nothing risqué about the dress it still sends Kili's heart pounding as she settles down across from him. Bilba gives him a small smile as she pulls out her books.

"You got a new dress," Kili blurts out and Bilba glances up at him. "You haven't worn it before."

"No I haven't," Bilba drawls and Kili feels like an idiot. "My cousin's wife Primula thought I should have something a little more girly."

"There's nothing wrong with your clothes now," Kili promises her and Bilba blushes. "I like them perfectly fine."

"I agreed to go with her on the condition that we both had to agree on the outfit," Bilba looks around the library and sighs. "Honestly I'm a bit burnt out on finals so I was going to invite you to my house for some pizza and movies. If you'd like that is." They had spent the past week studying and preparing for Mr. Elrond's final and Kili was quite burnt out himself. Now this, Bilba inviting him to her house was surely a dream. So as he nods his agreement he reaches under the table and gives himself a pinch. When pain ripples up and down his arm he nearly squeals with joy but contains himself as he follows after Bilba out of the library. They walk in comfortable silence past all the parked cars occupying the parking lot.

"I live close enough to school that I don't need a car," Bilba says without looking up at Kili. "And really it would just be a waste of money on gas and other things. Especially if something went wrong since I know nothing about cars."

"You live with that woman you mentioned earlier? Primula?" Kili asks.

"I live alone," Bilba pauses lets out a nervous chuckle as they approach an apartment complex. "Well I live mostly alone. Here we are." Bilba sighs as they come to a bright green door. She fishes out a key and unlocks the door. As soon as the door opens Kili finds a fluffy cat rubbing itself against his legs and purring like a rusty motor.

"Is this what you meant about mostly alone?" Kili guesses and earns a snort from Bilba as the cat continues to rub against Kili's legs.

"Myrtle stop being rude," Bilba scolds the cat and shoos her away. "I'm sorry she's normally only like that with me. And yes that's what I meant." Bilba adds after a moment of pause. She excuses herself down the hallway with Myrtle trailing after her faithfully. Kili takes the chance to look around the apartment.

The furniture is worn but without holes or tears. Bookshelves are filled to the brim, the spines frayed. A few photos decorate the walls: mostly pictures of a curly haired couple, some of Myrtle as a kitten. There's one of Bilba though her hairs a light sandy blonde and chopped short. Kili's still staring at that photo when Bilba comes back into the room.

"That's when I was still blonde and very short," Bilba runs a hand through her coppery brown curls. "A lot changed since then—more than just my hair that is…" She trails off.

"What's happened between now and this picture?" Kili asks and Bilba sighs.

"My dad passed away in a car accident and my mom…She just well she couldn't handle it. I remember on my cousin Drogo's birthday she asked my aunt if they could take me in because she couldn't take care of me anymore," She smiles at Kili and shrugs. "We still see each other and have lunch together every other weekend. But I look too much like my father with blonde hair so I changed it."

"My brother Fili looks a lot like our dad did," Bilba stares at him with silent interest. "Sometimes I see our mom stare at him with this heartbroken look and I know she's just thinking of our dad."

"I don't blame my mom," Bilba smiles though it's a pained one. "I still love her and I understand that she's hurting. When she's ready to face her grief and go through it….She will and then maybe we can rebuild our relationship."

"I'm not very good with words," Kili admits. "I open my mouth and I go to talk but I say all the wrong things. But if you want someone to listen I can do that really well." He promises.

"You never much," Bilba agrees. "But then Ori talked to me and told me that you like me a lot and you're just afraid to talk to me."

"I—I—I'm going to kill him," Kili shouts. His cheeks burn as Bilba smiles gently. "I can't believe he told you! Ori." Kili groans and flops down on Bilba's couch with a groan. Bilba sits down next to him and pats his knee gently.

"Why do you think Mister Elrond chose me to be your tutor?" Bilba giggles and Kili dares a glance at her flushing face.

"I'm not exactly that great with words either," Bilba confesses. "He seemed to think we would work well together. But I think that Principle Grey had something to do with it as well." The two never get around to pizza or movies that night. Bilba lies with her head on Kili's lap and Myrtle curled up on the back of the couch purring. The two share stories back and forth late into the night and it's only when Kili's stomach gives a loud grumble do the two finally get off the couch. They don't bother with pizza settling instead for a carton of ice cream between them as they continue talking.


	5. Crowns in the Dark

Rating: T

Warning: Cancer, major character death

AU: Modern day, fem!Kili

Thank you so much to Delta General 42 for the favorite! It is greatly appreciated!

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><p>The first time Kili met Bilbo Baggins, she made a face at him. It wasn't to be rude or make fun of him. That was simply what she did. In every single picture anyone had of Kili she was making some sort of face. When her mother had asked her why Kili told her it was better than smiling and look at the photo. Dís couldn't argue with that logic.<p>

Kili and Bilbo met when they were just children in kindergarten. When Kili made a face at any other child they usually looked at her in confusion, disgust or turned away. Bilbo though had grinned and stuck out his tongue before turning back to his work. Any of the adults in the room would have said that Kili was smitten from that very second.

When they had recess that day, Kili had waited by the door and grabbed hold of Bilbo's hand before anyone else could take him and play. She dragged him along with her and talked on and on about her brother Fili, her uncles Frerin and Thorin, her mother and how much he would love the playground. Bilbo was quieter and listened as Kili babbled on and on. He wasn't sure what to talk about especially when Kili started pushing him on the swing.

In fact Bilbo didn't say a word that first day. Kili did all the talking up to when their parents arrived to pick them up. She watched as Bilbo's mother drove away and yelled 'bye Bilbo', waving enthusiastically. When her mother asked who her new friend was, Kili couldn't fight the blush that heated her cheeks.

Bilbo didn't talk for nearly a week until Kili had caught him picking flowers. She crouched next to him and asked what exactly he was doing. Bilbo spent all of recess telling her about flowers: his favorites, his mother's favorites, their meanings. It ended with them making crowns for each other. And even though Fili teased her for her crown Kili still wore hers proudly. And if she had clotheslined her brother for his comment—well nobody was going to be any the wiser.

The two children were lucky that their mother grew to be close friends. Belladonna and Dís tittered over the way their children shyly danced around each other. They enjoyed watching them together on playdates together. Most days Bilbo could be found at Kili's house or Kili at Bilbo's house. Fili was not Bilbo's biggest fan however. He didn't like the way Bilbo fawned over flowers. Or the way he could get Kili to abandon whatever game they'd been playing together to look at some flowers he'd found.

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><p>Fili's dislike of Bilbo continued throughout the years. No matter how much the rest of the family liked Bilbo, Fili couldn't bring himself to like the boy. His uncles liked him, his mother liked him. Kili was in love with him and was mooning over Bilbo. But Fili couldn't even like him. It only evolved into hatred as Kili's love grew and Bilbo didn't seem to notice or do anything.<p>

Fili had kept his mouth shut at Kili's request but it was a difficult thing to do. And he did. Until it had been several Friday nights of Kili laying on the couch with a mopey expression. She stared at her phone with a sulky expression and checked it every few seconds only to groan and set it back down.

"Bilbo's avoiding me," Kili muttered after she caught Fili staring at her. "He won't talk to me at school, he won't reply to my texts. And when he does it's only one or two words." Fili hadn't thought about anything as he grabbed his car keys and drove to Bilbo's. Kili had followed after him, begging him to not go see Bilbo. Fili hadn't listened, furious with Bilbo for the hurt in his sister's eyes.

When he arrived full of anger and harsh words he didn't stop to take in Bilbo's haggard expression when he answered the door. He didn't notice the acrid, bitter chemical smell in the air. Didn't notice Bilbo's curls were covered by a film or how skinny he looked. He didn't notice any of this as he rushed ahead with his speech.

"Why are you avoiding Kili?" Fili demanded. "Wait no, don't tell me. You like some other girl? Or is she here now? Is that why you're avoiding her? Are you scared to tell her?" Bilbo stood silent as Fili ranted and raved until finally there was a ragged coughing that silenced Fili.

"My mother's dying." Bilbo said and turned away from Fili. He wasn't sure he could ever feel worse or more ashamed than he did at Bilbo's words. Until he turned around and saw Kili standing there with an unreadable expression.

The two siblings entered the apartment tentatively. Belladonna's ragged coughs echoed throughout the apartment and together they walked towards the bathroom. She kneeled on the floor with her head inches from the toilet bowl. And despite the endless coughs and gags that tore from her throat nothing would come from her mouth. Bilbo stood at the bathtub, turning on the shower. He didn't seem to notice the siblings as he stood his mother up who tried in vain to bat him off.

"It's okay mom," Bilbo said quietly. "I've got you." Belladonna lurched forward unexpectedly and vomited, wincing as it splashed across her bare feet. She groaned and then let out a sob as she fell back against her son who led her towards the tub.

"I'm sorry Bilbo," Belladonna sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay mom," Bilbo whispered. "We'll get you cleaned up and then I'll deal with the bathroom. Would you two please close the door on your way out?" Bilbo asked and ushered the two siblings out wordlessly.

Bilbo didn't emerge from the bathroom for what felt like hours. And when he finally did it was with a grim expression and fresh clothes as he led his mother. Belladonna Took wore a fresh nightgown though it did little to change the pale, sunken appearance of her eyes. Bilbo sat her down in her chair and crouched with her hand in his.

"Mom, you remember Fili and Kili don't you?" The siblings watched uncomfortably as Belladonna's lost gaze stared at them hard. It was clear she had no idea who they were. No memory of any Fili or Kili. But still she smiled and nodded as she patted her son on the hand.

"Yes of course," Belladonna said and Bilbo's smile nearly lit up the room. "I remember them." Her gaze became far away as the words left her lips and Bilbo's smile faded as he stood back up.

"I can get the door behind you if that's all you need." He said cooly and Fili winced.

"I'm sorry Bilbo—I…" Bilbo cut him off with a nod as he ushered them towards the door.

"Yes, you should be." Bilbo said and closed the door.

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><p>Kili pressed her mother for answers as soon as they stepped through the door. Dís sighed and sat the two down together, her eyes tired as she looked between them. Belladonna Took had lung cancer she told them. It'd spread she was sorry to say to other parts of her body and despite the terminal diagnosis Belladonna was still fighting.<p>

"Why wouldn't Bilbo tell me?" Kili whispered, torn between hurt and worry for her friend.

"I think perhaps because he knew you would try and make everything okay," Dís says. "You would try and make things positive. Put an optimistic spin on this somehow when really Bilbo doesn't want that honey."

"What does he want?" Fili asked and Dís sighed.

"I think he wants it to be over," Dís said. "I lost your grandpa to Alzheimer's and it was a hard thing in the end because he couldn't recognize anyone and he seemed to constantly be scared. I've been visiting Belladonna and see a lot of that in her too."

"She's not the woman who raised Bilbo I'm sorry to say. The Belladonna I knew is dead lost to cancer. Last time I asked her if she knew who I was and she stared at me for a long time then says I don't know who you are."

"And you're okay with her death?" Kili asked tearfully.

"I'm not okay with it. I would say that I'm ready for it to be over—her pain to end and for us to begin healing." Dís said and ended the talk.

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><p>Bilbo avoided Kili even more after that. He started to miss school and Kili worried. She stared at his empty seat anxiously as more and more days passed by. Until the day came when Bilbo returned. His face was drawn, his eyes red and puffy as he took his seat next to Kili.<p>

"She's gone." Was all Bilbo said as he laid his head down on his desk. Kili did not make a face at him that day like she did all those years ago. She didn't talk and babble on. Instead she silently reached across the desk and linked her fingers through his.

After school the two sit in the park together. This time it's Bilbo who talks and babbles on about everything he can think of. But still it's Kili who pushes him on the swing. Long after the sun goes down Dís sits in her car, watching the two of them make flower crowns together in the dark.


End file.
